Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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