I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
