i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
