We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
