So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
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I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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