Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
sex in a hospital.. check
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
