I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
im six kinds of drunk right now
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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