is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
