i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
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I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
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I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I deserve this hangover.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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