Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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