I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
