Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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