I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
