just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
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when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
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I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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