Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
