Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's never too late to be topless.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
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