this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
it's like heaven, but drunker
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
