I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
