she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
