I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
