someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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