There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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