all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
