I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
