if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
