evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize