Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
