Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
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He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
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God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.