Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
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Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
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I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!