I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you