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people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
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