He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.