she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday