32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
make that 40.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
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all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
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I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher