i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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