1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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