Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
