Too much gin, very little bucket
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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