Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
