Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
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I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
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Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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