you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
