I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
