I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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