Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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