My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I am naked and annoyed.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
