you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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