I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
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so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
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Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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