maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
