I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
