I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
