summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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