wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
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I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
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How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize