just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My butt remains clenched, sir.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
