Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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