no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
