1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
