overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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