unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
