i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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