dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
