Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
