I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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