tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
