she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
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I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
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I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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